So I think that the universe has learned something in the past month; I am not a very good blogger. While I have been very busy, I have had much more free time than can justify the laziness that I have displayed. Part of it is because I am just lazy, and part of it is because I don’t have much to say. But upon further reflection, I’ve realized that I actually have a lot to say and that I just haven’t known how to put it in to words. However, I’m going to try for my own sake and for the sake of a failing beginning of a blog.
Let’s start out with the follow-up on my blog about the exchange student from Brazil. B—- was amazing, more amazing than I could have hoped for, and as I suspected I really didn’t have anything to worry about. I miss her more than I would have thought, but I truthfully don’t have ton to say about the experience. I may make a future post going into detail about it all, and maybe not, but I will say that it was truly a magical two weeks and I now have a sister that lives in Brazil.
Now let’s move in to everything that’s been on my mind. I will say that this post will not have one particular focus, but will be a bit scattered. Sorry. Anyway, I think that the title of this post pretty much ties up my feelings right now. First off, my life is awesome. I can proudly say that I generally am a happy person and in no way am I trying to complain. I just have some frustrations that I need to let out. Can we all just acknowledge hormones please? I used to think that hormones caused my acne and my mood swings, but boy was I in for a treat. I’ve noticed something so strange that I don’t even know what to think of it. I’ll start by saying that I’ve never been a shy person, and have always prided myself on having impressive people skills. I have never questioned what I need to say or how to react to something. That is, until recently.
I can’t understand why, but I’ve been getting these horrible shy moments when I feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I just want to slap myself in the face. My teacher says that she likes my visual for a presentation? I can barely get out a ‘thanks’ because I truly can’t seem to communicate. My crush offers to help me pass out papers? I either seem like I’m mute or overly excited. ‘Yes! Thank you so much!’ And as soon as I turn around and am not faced with the immediate threat, I close my eyes and wallow in my awkwardness. My sister says that it will pass, and I hope to God that it does because it’s absolutely awful. Anyway, just thinking about it all is making me cringe so I think we’ll just move on to a new topic.
Boys. Now, please skip over the end of this post if you’re not interested in hearing about the petty thoughts of a fourteen year-old girl confused about her love life. It’s really not going to be worth reading. Staying? Okay, let’s begin with my current interest. We’ll call him Mario. Mario is a boy who I’ve been desperately trying to avoid liking because I am just a little done with boys at the moment. My previous crush, whom I’ll call Darren, was a bit of an ***, and truthfully nothing more than a pretty face. I realized that I had been a bit stupid, and promised myself that I wasn’t going to let myself like someone without knowing them well first. Silly me.
Of course I broke my promise as soon as Mario came along. I will give him the fact that I’ve had almost exclusively positive interactions with him whereas I had no experiences to even judge Darren on. Nonetheless, I don’t know Mario very well. I do know that he is surprisingly kind in comparison with most other boys my age, and even when with his friends, whom I have less than friendly feelings for, is considerate. At least that’s a start.
Anyways, that’s whats been on my mind, and have a good day! 🙂